


Memento Mori

by Selah



Series: Advent Challenge 2015 [7]
Category: Jrock, Kagrra, Miyavi (Musician), the GazettE
Genre: Gen, Reference to character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 00:01:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5395103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selah/pseuds/Selah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aoi both loves and hates being on tour, especially during overnight drives. In the dark depths on night, it's easy to get lost in memories of days long gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memento Mori

**Author's Note:**

> Advent #7, prompt: pass the time, unconnected to previous installments. This could have run longer, but since the point is to write short (and I'm still behind), I cut it short. Set during DOGMATIC -DUE- with scenes in italics being flashbacks to 2003.

As much as Aoi loved touring, a part of him kind of hated it, too. Especially the part where they would have to spend a night in a van, traveling from one city to the next, because the schedule was too close together to allow for anything else. Usually he tried sleeping, even when he knew it was doomed, but this time he hadn't been able to even nap at all. Instead he had ended up curled in on himself in his seat, listening to old music and reminiscing of days long gone.

~*~*~

_“Please treat us kindly.”_

_They all mumbled the words together, bowing more or less as one to their new labelmates. Aoi didn't know much about either Kagrra or Kra, only a little more about bis and Miyavi, and he was feeling a little uneasy as their introduction meeting officially concluded and the suits mostly filed out to leave the bandmen to get to know each other._

_“Hey, you're Aoi, right? Take a deep breath, it's really happening, honest.. Welcome to the team.”_

_“Thanks,” Aoi mumbled, glancing over the lanky form that had sidled up to him. Miyavi. For someone who'd built up a reputation for being something of a spazzy man-child, the soloist was looking remarkably calm. Then again, as his mother always said, appearances could be deceiving._

_“Come on, I'll introduce you around,” Miyavi said, tugging his sleeve a little. “You're rhythm side guitar, right? Here, let me introduce you to Shin-senpai, he'll be a lot of help for you.”_

_As unsteady as Aoi still felt, he didn't protest; Gazette was going to need all the help they could get._

~*~*~

“Excuse me, sir? Sir? Sorry to disturb you, but we've stopped for gas if you wanted to stretch your legs?”

Aoi blinked stupidly at the intern a moment before his words processed and he nodded. A quick glance around the van showed Uruha and Reita zonked out on the back bench and the other seats all empty. Slinking out of his seat, he gratefully moved away from the van to light up a much needed cigarette. And smiled a little to see Ruki huddled against the cold, doing the same.

“Thought for sure you'd be asleep,” Aoi said as he settled in next to Ruki.

“I _was_ asleep,” the other muttered around the butt of his cigarette, taking another long drag before continuing. “Kai says I'm not allowed to fire anyone else this tour. What about you?”

“He hasn't said anything to me about firing privileges,” he said with a shrug, well aware even before Ruki punched his shoulder that _that_ wasn't what the other man had meant. “Ah, you know me, I can't really sleep in the van. I'll nap at the hotel when we get there, then again at the venue before we go on, it'll be fine.”

The snort from Ruki was obviously skeptical, but he didn't say anything else. After thirteen years together as a band, they all knew each other's touring quirks, had even settled into habits and patterns of coping. Like midnight smoke breaks and steady roommate assignments. 

They had just enough time to finish their cigarettes before they were herded back into the van, Ruki grumbling under his breath the whole time. Aoi managed to control his snickering, waiting to be sure everyone was settled before plugging himself back into his phone. They still had a few hours of driving ahead of them and while sleep was unlikely, he had other ways of filling the time.

~*~*~

_“Aoi-kun?”_

_Aoi glanced up, then jerked his head up again when he saw who had called his name._

_“Shin-senpai, I... um, please,” he stammered, standing up and bowing respectfully before sitting back down again. And feeling like an idiot at the small smile that appeared on the other man's face._

_“A little bird told me you guys were having some technical issues, so I thought I'd come see if I could help.”_

_“Oh, um, it's, uh....” Aoi felt certain he had to be blushing by this point, feeling ridiculous and shy at the same time. He wasn't wrong, in fact it was why Aoi had snuck off to this break room. That and to get a cup of coffee, though he was somewhat regretting the latter choice at the moment, given the less than stellar quality of the break room coffee._

_The inventive string of expletives streaming down the hall was hardly adequate warning for the way Reita stormed into the tiny break room and started slamming through cupboards, apparently unaware of anyone else. As much as Aoi felt like they didn't know each other that well yet, he knew the bassist well enough, he felt, to know when to cut and run. Grabbing his coffee, he was about to beat a hasty retreat when he realized what Shin was about to do._

_“Se–.”_

_“Reita-san.”_

_Maybe it was the complete calm of his voice. Maybe it was the way one hand landed on Reita's shoulder. Maybe it was something else entirely. Faster than Aoi had ever seen, the storm of Reita's irritation and frustration dissipated, the other man turning to reveal a nasty cut on his hand._

_“Shin-senpai. I'm sorry, I didn't see you there.”_

_“It's all right, Reita-san. Here, let me help.”_

~*~*~

 _Let me help._ So much magic in such a small phrase. Aoi smiled a little, his memory helpfully pulling up instances of one or another of Kagrra's members doing just that over the years. Most of his own experiences had been with Shin, but he knew the others had been just as helpful, their two bands growing quite close over the years together at PS Company. Kagrra's “demise” had been quite the blow, but losing Isshi not even six months later had been even worse. Even now he wasn't convinced a piece of himself hadn't died that day.

“Hey you,” Ruki murmured and Aoi was startled to find the man hunched close, half kneeling on the bench with him, one hand on his thigh while the other cupped his cheek, thumbing away a stray tear. “Come on, there's enough room it's just you and me tonight. Hold it together a little longer and you can let it all out then.”

“Taka....”

“Come on, you don't want staff seeing the great Aoi-sama crying, do you?” Ruki teased, leaning in a beat to brush lips to his forehead before scooting back down the bench. Shoving down the memories, Aoi followed Ruki out of the van, grabbing his bag along the way. Everything that lived eventually died. If he was to honor his senpai, both the living and the dead, it would do no good to dwell on the past.

_Please keep watching over me, senpai, even now. Let me make you proud again._


End file.
